My first STD was from a foam party
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
