mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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