The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize