Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
