Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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