she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
