i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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