It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
