The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
