He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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