I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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