every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
did i walk over a car last night?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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