Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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