The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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