I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
