Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize