So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
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