also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
