I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
