i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
