There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
