You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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