Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
