ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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