why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
