I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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