I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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