Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize