you would pick up someone in the library
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
