4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
