I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize