i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
