i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
