Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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