im drinking this country out of the recession.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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