Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize