my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
