he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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