Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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