This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
