Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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