I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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