Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
