I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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