dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I fill condoms, not promises.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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