I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
