That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
