Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
