I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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