Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
