Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
