Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
