i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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