drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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