3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
