Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize