You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
