who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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