I just pynch a tree in the face
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
