Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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