I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
