I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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