last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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