I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
