so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
