thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
