Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
