someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize